When someone has a hissy fit
Dealing with chronic complainers
One summer day, while taking a run, I approached a bridge that crossed over a small ravine. Right next to the sidewalk stood a wild goose with several baby goslings behind her. I realized it was a mother goose attempting to guide her babies across the sidewalk — and I just became a huge obstacle interfering with her plans. That made her none too happy.
My body had not yet received the message from my brain to get the #^&* out of there. As I passed by, the mother goose let out a huge HISS. Her neck arched, and her head suddenly jerked forward, attempting to jab my leg with her beak. Luckily, she missed. My running quickly changed to sprinting as I darted across the road. I waited for the sound of flapping wings, anticipating an attack from behind. But the mother goose simply retreated back into the ravine with her goslings, apparently satisfied that she had made her point.
There are always people in our lives who will “hiss” whenever something unfamiliar is approaching. Whenever a change is inevitable, their fight-or-flight instincts kick in. If it’s a sudden change, they will usually choose to fight. It is a normal defense mechanism that goes back to our prehistoric ancestors.
But some people hiss at virtually anything that prompts them to have to look at things from a different perspective. They instantly rebel at anything that alludes they have to move out of their comfort zone. They will shoot down any new idea without entertaining the possibility that it could actually work.
How do we identify those people? In my history, I have noticed that their response usually begins with one of the following phrases, each followed by what they are probably thinking:
- “But what about . . .” This is followed by lame excuses why they believe the idea will fail.
- “I don’t know about that.” This is their not-so-subtle way of telling you they don’t like it.
- “Why do you want to do that?” It’s all in the tone, especially if they emphasize the word “that” at the end of the question. Essentially, they think your idea is stupid.
- “Have you thought about . . .” They don’t believe you have thought it through at all and feel it is their moral obligation to set you straight on what they believe is an impulsive decision.
- “That won’t work.” Their mind is already made up that they don’t support you and nothing you say from that point will make a difference.
The people who respond in this manner usually think they have our best interests in mind. They may be a family member or friend who loves us a lot. It could be their way of expressing they don’t want us to get hurt or to experience failure. The road to Hell is usually paved with good intentions.
Most people make decisions based on their own autobiographies. If they have tried and failed in their own lives, they feel inclined to keep others from experiencing the same “fate”, under the illusion they are helping us.
But here is the dilemma: Are they really trying to advise us because of their love for us? Or, is it a need to gain some semblance of control over us? The answer may be both, but it is very important to know which motive is more likely.
Here is why it sometimes offends me when people “hiss” at my thoughts or plans. When I have an idea, I don’t normally talk about it right away. The idea usually simmers in my head for a while. I slowly weigh the pros and cons very carefully. Along the way, I have no problem soliciting advice from people I trust, but I take the time to consider all factors and possible outcomes.
When I am ready to start verbalizing the idea with someone, the analytical work is already complete in my mind. So, when these people start making the above statements in response, it comes across that they think I’m an idiot, that I haven’t given it any forethought, when the reality is that I have been thinking about it for a long time and have done my due diligence.
It is similar to when someone decides to break up with their spouse or partner. That is a major decision that isn’t usually done on a whim (hopefully). By the time that person is talking about breaking up, they have probably been thinking about it for a long time and is finally opening up about it.
Of course, there are exceptions to this thinking. For example, within a business setting, when presenting a potential solution to senior leaders, it is our responsibility to do the necessary analysis and be prepared to build a good case for their consideration. It is the leaders’ responsibility to ask the tough questions to help them make an informed decision. It would not be wise to get offended by that type of hissing.
The hissing I am referring to are those people who seem to thrive on negativity. These are the same people who think that the only way to feel good about themselves is by tearing others down who want nothing more than to move forward with a plan to better their lives.
What I have learned in dealing with the chronic nay-sayers and complainers is to not take it personally. I think back to the mother goose that tried to attack me — she wasn’t doing it to me personally. The goose was just instinctively responding to a perceived threat.
Humans are no different. Let the person have their say, and keep an open mind. They may actually provide information we hadn’t thought about yet. Then, politely thank them for their input, and then just move forward anyway.
The naysayers and complainers tend to seek out accomplices who will join their pity party. They are speaking from their own frame of reference, their own negative life experiences, and their own failures.
Don’t take the bait.
When I encounter someone like the mother goose who tries to hiss at me in an attempt to talk me out of something I really believe in, my actions usually speak louder than my words. I just pick up the pace and get away from them before they can jab me with their beak.
If you are reading this sentence, thank you for being with me until the end!
