The Only Choice We Can Control
We are the result of our choices, not our circumstances
Life is full of choices. We make various choices almost every day, hour, and minute of our lives. When those choices work in our favor, that’s the easy part. But what if those choices don’t turn out the way we had hoped?
Do we suck it up and acknowledge our mistakes? Or do we play the victim and deflect blame somewhere else?
- When we get a bad grade on an exam because we chose to socialize with friends instead of studying, is it our teacher’s fault?
- When we choose to poke a dog with a stick and it bites us, is it the dog’s fault?
- When we eat unhealthy foods and live a sedentary life and then get diagnosed with heart disease, is it the doctor’s fault?
- When we get behind the wheel of a car after a night of drinking and then get arrested for driving under the influence, is it the cop’s fault?
Most of us can agree the answer to these questions is a resounding ‘no’. But it’s amazing how quick some people will try to deflect blame on to the person who dared to hold them accountable for their poor choice.
Our actions and reactions are equally important.
Every action has a reaction, and we are accountable for both. We humans naturally gravitate toward the easiest alternative and that is to blame others for our misfortunes and mistakes, even when we instigated it ourselves.
Before reading the next paragraph, think about the unhappiness person you know. Get a clear image of them in your mind.
It is very likely they are unhappy because they refuse to accept responsibility for the outcome of their decisions. Do you notice how nothing ever seems to be their fault? They constantly play the victim. Their mindset is “You are responsible for making me happy, so if I’m not happy, then it must be your fault.”
Even more difficult is being responsible for our reactions to other people’s choices, especially when those choices impact us.
Consider this scenario that actually happened to a friend of mine.
Your boss calls you into their office to inform you that someone else on your team reported that you have been displaying a “bad attitude”.
What is the first thought that crosses your mind? For most of us, that first thought is, “Who said that about me?” Then, you might spend hours obsessing and being angry with that unknown person, thinking “How dare they?”
It is perfectly normal to wonder who would say something negative about us. But before concluding that the accuser is a horrible person, we have to examine our current paradigm by taking a step back and asking ourselves the tough questions:
- “Is it true what they are saying about me?”
- “Do I really have a bad attitude?”
- “Do I really display that negative behavior?”
It is way too easy to deflect and blame the accuser when someone speaks unkindly of us. Operating in that paradigm usually deceives us into believing that we are completely innocent. We have to first ask ourselves if the other person, regardless of their motive, has a valid point.
It’s not easy, is it?
It is entirely possible the person who spoke negatively of you had malicious intent. But in the end, we have to accept that we have no control over what others say about us.
Ultimately, there is only one choice we can control: the choice to conduct ourselves in such a way that we are not giving others a credible reason to say negative things about us in the first place.
If you are reading this sentence, thank you for being with me until the end!
